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:: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 ::
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:: good-bye password! ::
 | ok, i've made up my mind. no more "hiding" posts, no more dual blogs, NO MORE. lol...i'm over it. as of the end of the business day today, the password on my original site shall be no longer. if you do or don't like what's on it, then you should or shouldn't have done whatever you did to cause the post to exist, RIGHT? lol...in my head i'm imagining a bra burning. lol...open the floodgates. | |
:: wonderful monday ::
 what a great evening.
:: password "protect" ::
lately i've kind of been tossing around the idea of removing the password protect from my original blog page. i got to thinking...what is the password really "protecting" me from? true, my blog has caused a bit of a stir awhile back. i censored myself once, i won't do it again. i've moved on. i'm over it. i've got nothing to be ashamed of. isn't it enough that deleted my posts? i may have deleted them from my site, but i'll always carry the memories inside me. i'm going to sleep on it for a few more days...see how i feel after the weekend. i may just give in and take it off by the end of the day. who knows.
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:: Monday, March 22, 2004 ::
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:: happy mondays ::
aaah...SERIOUSLY....nothing beats starting off the work week with a frappucinno, a smoke, and a ride to work. (great company, a necessity as well). to top off the morning so far, my bootie girl is back, and i've got lunch @ hooters to look forward to!
this IS going to be yet another great day.
:: my weekend recap ::
:: friday ::
overall an average friday. just couldn't seem to get into the evening, however. strange crowd, i guess. i did wear one of my "old school" outfits though. *giggle*
:: click here to see album ::
:: saturday ::
did a whole lot of nothing today. whew! had a great night at the club...for some reason, i was just in a pretty good mood. "box-pusher"....damn you! * shakes fist *
:: sunday ::
boy do i love getting manicures on sunday afternoon! went to a laudrymat this evening! rather educational...kind of makes me grateful to have my own washer & dryer. afterwards, went to go see the boys @ sushi x. mmmmm!
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:: Friday, March 19, 2004 ::
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:: why an online journl? ::
may people have asked me this question, and until or unless you have one of your own, you'll never really understand. at first i did it for fun. i did it because my friends had them and i thought it'd be a good way to learn html. over time, i realized it was much more than that. it became a way to "keep in touch" with the goings on of friends near and far. it's a way to meet new people. when i first started my journal it was so "dear diary". just a chronicle of funny things that would happen to me throughout the day. a way to wish happy birthdays and congratulations to people. funny quizzes and games to put online. soon after, i realized that putting my feelings out there was very therapeutic, very cathartic...a release of sorts.
at the time i didn't fully realize the ramifications of having my life chronicled online for whoever to see. to know me and to know i have a journal online is to know that sooner or later, somehow, you or a part of you shall be included on here in some kind of direct or indirect way. it's a simple fact.
sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger. they have no relation to you, and often can offer the clearest and most unbiased opinion to any situation. so, in a way, readers are those strangers. it's almost refreshing to express feelings of happiness, joy, anger, excitement, frustration, and all the other emotions for the whole world to see. plus, when writing, it can convey a deeper meaning, a greater form of expression. it generally takes more thought, more of an effort, to just sit down and put words together in an effective means of getting a point across. some of these posts are just for me. many are for others. in the end, these posts are mine and mine alone...i'll choose to do with them what i will. i congratulate and praise many on here...i berate few.
a perfect example of how this is therapeutic: a friend of mine chronicled the events leading up to and after the death of her mother. i could never begin to imagine what she and her family went through during this time, and never would i wish such pain on anyone. yet the loss of a parent or loved one is something that everyone must encounter at some point in their lives. she put her feelings out there. i can't say her reasonings behind it, but she did....she's so strong for that. in doing so, she recieved the support of many out there...some i'll assume she's never even met. that in and of itself i believe was of some comfort to her. to know that other people out there have felt her pain and can relate.
i keep my journal on here to express my feeling on things. the situation may not be current or immediately relevant. it could be that i was reminded of a conversation or an event that took place. it could be anything. a song on the radio, a commercial, an old love letter...anything. in the end, my feelings are my feelings, and until you have walked in my shoes, you'll never understand. you could never touch the surface, even if you tried.
sometimes i just feel like writing about feelings. they may or not be current, but they are infinitely mine and mine alone. you cannot fault someone for feelings. feelings cannot be controlled...that's why they're "feel"ings.
in a few months my journal will be one year old. i've looked back through the months, and it's almost surreal to reread my thoughts on events that have taken place in my life. it's interesting to see how my posts have changed, how my outlook on things have changed. there are events i've totally forgotten, events i chose to forget, events i'll cherish and remember as long as God permits. you've got to learn to take the good with the bad. understand and accept both and maybe a greater understanding will come of it. who knows? maybe i'm just talking out of my ass.
true, i didn't fully realize the ramifications of including others in my posts. yet it goes back to knowing me, know i have a journal that allows total access. i realize that who i am now is a direct result of my past. i've got nothing to be ashamed of when i look in the mirror. i know the beautiful person i've become inside. i know what i am capable of. i know that the people i surround myself with are genuine, caring, and giving.
awhile back i had to stifle my emotions...tone down my posts a bit....much to the chagrin of my friends. "how dare you!?!?!?" a friend once stated to me. "this is YOUR journal...YOUR words, YOUR thoughts, YOUR feelings....YOU" he yelled. i realize that now. you put a lot of yourself into something that's written. sometimes i think more so than words. words can be forgotten. written is just that...written. to write conveys something from deeper within...it almost forces you to slow down and really think about how to express what you need to express. i know that if i wrote just how i spoke, i'd come off as a babbling idiot! wouldn't just about everyone?
it's so easy to express on here. it really is. that's as good as it is bad, true. but to put my feelings and emotions out to an (relatively) anonymous audience can be such a release. even refreshing at times. i'll deal with the consequences as they come...but right now is my time to release. it's when readers take things so literally and turn things around that even the little thing somehow implies something completely different than what was intended. that's where things get sticky. true...i'll either be quite direct towards someone on here...sometimes i'll leave a small but obvious clue. that's my right. everyone must come to the realization that all your actions have consequences...it may not come tomorrow, maybe not next year....maybe never. but actions (good or bad) usually seem to generate some kind of reaction. i know that...i accept that. i may not like it and i may not agree, but i accept that single fact.
i've learned that i cannot please everyone. in trying to do so would mean spreading myself so thin that i'd forget who i am. there's no sense in giving so much that you lose yourself, right? i can only hope that the eternal smiling optimist that is me is enough. if not, then let's move on...let's go our separate ways. i only wish that those who have come into my life find their happiness...whatever that may be. if the eternal smiling optimist is enough, then i hope i can continue being whatever it is that keeps you in my life. keep being whatever brought you to me in the first place. even to those who are no longer, i'll always see and remember the good in you. maybe i'm deluding myself with that statement, but again it's the optimist in me popping out again. i believe that everyone is inerently "good", inherently beautiful in their own way. one man's trash is another one's treasure.
so with that, that is why i blog. that is why i put my feelings and emotions "on display" to whoever should cross my site. no need to weigh myself down with thoughts, troubles, etc. thank god for the journal! lol.
* kiss *
:: lyrics in my head ::
To Love Me More - PM Dawn
When you run away with someone
To the corners of your mind
Be it time or place or space of love.
I think you know, I think you know....
Whatever magnifies you.
My heart won't let it go so,
Whatever the barriers,
Whatever the forces are.
I know that they don't matter,
But they do...and that's why....
( chorus )
I find it so hard for me to tell you
I want you to love me more
I find it so hard for me to tell you
I want you to love me more
I find it so hard for me to tell you
I want you to love me more
I find it so hard for me to tell you
I want you......to love me more
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If you could see what I see
When I rest my eyes on you.
Be it people words or anything
I think they know, I think they know...
If it's you it's you and only you
'cause my emotions run my life.
So, wherever the rainbows go,
Wherever the teardrops are
I bet they feel the love I get from you
And that's why...
( chorus )
It's funny you should say
I dream you all this time
'cause all the time, I think I do...
It's funny you should say
You see the love. I push to your heart...
I sure hope it's in your nature
To love me more....to love me more...
To love me more...to love me more
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:: friday five ::
this week's friday five...
if you...
| 1. | ...owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve? |
| hmmmm...sushi |
| 2. | ...owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell? |
| i'd open a nail salon/mini-spa with sunshine @ the airport |
| 3. | ...wrote a book, what genre would it be? |
| some kind of "ladies only man-bashing" book (nothing personal guys!) |
| 4. | ...ran a school, what would you teach? |
| music |
| 5. | ...recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it? |
| a bit of everything |
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:: Thursday, March 18, 2004 ::
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:: flower power ::
lol.....it seems that the flower frenzy has died down. whew! so with that, allow me to shift things in another gear. just throwing out a few random thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head lately. not directly or indirectly aimed towards anyone in particular...so if you think something is (or isn't) well then that's all on you... (i'll be revising this continuously i'm sure, as things come to me)just know that...- i'll always be here for you, whether or not you know it, whether or not you need me
- you've got more people that care about you than you know
- just because i don't call doesn't mean you're not in my heart
- it's during crucial times when you know who your real friends are
- you don't choose your friends, so hold dear the ones you have
- you're SO much stronger than you think, worth SO much more than you give yourself credit for
- if you think something is about you, it probably isn't, so shut up and move on
- more often than not it's better to listen to your head, despite how much your heart tells you otherwise
- if you want me to kill him, i'd be MORE than happy to oblige
- it takes more energy to hate than to love
- nobody looks good frowning or scowling, so smile
- it's the little things you do that mean so much
- i see you
- try to be true to yourself...only you know what's really going on in your head and in your life
- you never know who's falling in love with your smile
- if he's not the man you thought he was, he probably never will be
- if he doesn't realize the beautiful person he has in you, it's not you...it's HIM
- he's not the one for you, so don't try to make him to be
- someday HE will find you, and you'll know it
- you'll always find a friend when and where you least expect it
- you shouldn't let the bad outweigh the good
- it's harder to see things for what they really are
- you've ALWAYS got a friend in me
- i appreciate you
- i'm grateful for all that you try to be to/for me
- i'm grateful for all that you ARE to me
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:: whoo! gotta love "flower wars" ::
 lol...it's funny how a "simple gesture" turns into a day of tear-filled laughter. after the first arrangement arrived, something came over me. i just couldn't help but to send JUST ONE MORE. lol. boy... 1-800-flowers.com has been getting quite a workout these past few weeks! i guess this just proves that one good turn does, in fact, deserve another! ok, i'm done...no more flowers... * pinky swear *
:: who says guys can't get flowers? ::
 now everybody knows my penchant for recieving things at work. in the four+ years i've worked here, i've seen flower delivery people come and go. a little something inside me would stir every time, hoping maybe they were for me, but to no avail. until recently. lol. A+, sweetie... you always know how to make me smile, flowers or no flowers. so, to that end, i got to thinking...girls ALWAYS get flowers, so why can't guys? getting flowers is not immasculine in any way. in fact, it's so rare that guys get flowers that i think it makes even MORE of a statement when it happens. * giggle * oh this is going to be a ton of fun!
:: a day of rest ::
whew! well, i/we FINALLY managed to get to sleep at a decent hour. feels good to wake up rested. i finally got around to cleaning the house, putting stuff away. lol...one of these days i really need to buy a new vacuum and a coat rack of some sort. then to top off my well rested morning, i was greeted at the door by a starbuck's grande moccha frappuccino and a ride to work! ah...today is going to be a great day.
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:: Wednesday, March 17, 2004 ::
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:: if you call me... ::
ooh, mel, i like this one! let's see how many i come up with (or not)....
if you call me...- princess or baby: you're my man
- chalupa or chimichanga: you're lil mike
- char: prima, andre, my coworkers at the day job
- the "bad one": you're my bootie girl
- chartreuse: my friend, fred/jeff, from college
- char-dawg or char-broiled chicken: you were my barback from old crobar *tips her drink*
- maneater/boybeater: you're most likely my brother
- thaihoney: you've been on my site before actually meeting me, or we've met online somehow
- char char: you're my kerry berry
- cuz: you're pinyo
- sister: you're ami, prima, or jace
- the asian girl in the overalls: a patron/regular @ crobar
- your peeps: you're wally
- mai thai: you're kimmy
:: quiz mood ::
What Kind of Soul Do You Possess?
You have a beautiful soul! These are rare and very
special. One who has a beautiful soul had beauty inside and out, and are always very kind. You may be the one who always applies make-up to look better and achieve certain standards, but you look just as gorgeous without makeup. You take pride in yourself because you know that you are worth better. Sometimes you preen in front of the mirror for hours, but youre never too busy to help someone. Everyone loves you and you love them back, with a lot of friends, and popularity. But you didnt get it because of your clothes-you got it because there seems to be a radiance around you, a sort of glow, that attracts people to do better and be better.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses?
(For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla
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What Kind of Shadow are You?
You are a human shadow. If a loved one needs you, you are always right at his or her heels! Your deep social connection with human beings produces your qualities of genuine caring and charisma. However, at times you are naive to the true nature of your loved ones. Remember that humans' gift of free will does not always lead them in wise directions. But your essence of love and friendship represent the other precious gifts of humanity. Overall you are a strikingly valuable and innocent being who has a lot to give.
What Kind of Shadow Are You?
(with gorgeous pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
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What Chinese Element are You?
You are the chinese element of Fire. People who are under the element of fire are considerate, sensitive and communicative. Fire, you are a conjuror, and you hate boredom, butterfly emotions and you also crave excitement. The color of fire is red and your symbol is the phoenix. Summer is the season in which fire shines and it's months are April/May. Your weather condition is heat. Fire is the direction south, and your day is Tuesday, while your planet is Mars. Animals under your element are usually winged. People under you are the Hans. Your sense is taste, whereas your taste is bitter, your sound is laughing and your virtue is propriety. Your organ is
the heart. You were created by Wood and you
control Metal.
Which of the 5 Chinese Elements Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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What Emotion Does Your Soul Hold
your dark and mysterious..you have a hidden talent but you don't tell anyone..its probably an art of some kind...you don't let people get that close to you because you've been hurt alot...your tough and independant.
What emotion does your soul hold...(kinda for girls but either can take)
brought to you by Quizilla
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:: happy st. patrick's day! ::
  
:: billiards and knob shots ::
last night was HELLA fun! mykel and i went to go shoot some pool (i really HAVE to get back into the swing of things!). we were having a good time, and the people playing on both sides of us (three guys on one side, a couple on a date on the other) were in good spirits, so i decided to buy a round of shots for all three tables. lol...little did i know that was going to set the tone for the evening. about three games and a (three table) total of probably 35-50 shots later, we made our way back to settle up the tab. the gracious bartender had not only bought us the last few rounds, he paid for all our pool tabs! * whew * what a fun night! i'm paying for it now, but it was definitely an awesome evening.
3-1...the boy wins this round
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:: Tuesday, March 16, 2004 ::
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:: what's your element? (girls) ::
 You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.
You may smile a little but sadness or
loneliness surround you and other can feel it
when they're near you. You have a dark or
unusual beauty that makes you mysterious and
you probably have a lot of secrets that you've
never told anyone. You're beauty is intriging
and unorthidox but the real thing that makes
you special is your eyes. Something in them
makes them like "Diamonds in the
Rough".
What's Your Element(girls)? (PICTURES) brought to you by Quizilla
:: lunching with my ladies ::
ah... so refreshing yet SO damn filling! this time i was fortunate to have the rare company of fatima AND claudine and her man!!!! so nice to see your smiling faces ladies! today we hit a new place (well, new for me). we stuffed ourselves silly at buca de beppo. god bless leftovers! * urp *
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:: Monday, March 15, 2004 ::
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:: a brighter monday ::
lol....ok girls, we're going to have to chain this one to the island
:: stole another one ::
got this from mel's site....
| "You know, hate is a pretty strong word... So is love." |
:: so sweet ::
ok this, i think is my favorite.....
If you let me take your heart I will prove to you,
We will never be apart if I'm part of you,
Open up your eyes now tell me what you see,
It is no surprise now what you see is me.
Big and black the clouds may be time will pass away,
If you put your trust in me I'll make bright your day.
Look into these eyes, tell me what you see,
Don't you realize now what you see is me.
Tell me what you see.
Listen to me one more time how can I get through,
Can't you try to see that I'm trying to get to you,
Open up your eyes now tell me what you see,
It is no surprise now what you see is me. |
:: thank you... ::
- for forcing me to see how i deserve to be treated, as much as i try to fight it
- for continuously and selflessly giving freely of yourself
- for showing me what i was too blind to see
- for not thinking that not everything is about you. you think "outside yourself" and embrace "us"
- for being by my side. you never walk ahead or stray behind
- for opening my eyes to a whole new world
:: my weekend recap ::
:: saturday ::
a relatively tame weekend (except for the puker at my bar...real nice, dude!). ran into carlos...all i can say is "holy tan!" lol...see, that's why i don't even bother with tanning and sun. i could NEVER get a tan going that looked THAT good. *sigh* i give up!
:: sunday ::
i have to start off by giving mad props to my metrosexual. not only did he come with me and endured my manicure session, he showed his support, and stayed by my side the entire time. there's something kind of sexy about a man getting a manicure. ladies, i KNOW you'll agree with me on this one.
afterwards, we kind of digressed back into childhood for a bit, and had a marathon pinball session. aaah..i love pinball!
afterwards, i had the privelage of taking "my michaels" to fogo de chao for dinner. sheesh! two peas in a pod!
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:: Friday, March 12, 2004 ::
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:: friday five ::
this week's friday five...
| 1. | What was the last song you heard? | | "you and i both" - jason mraz |
| 2. | What were the last two movies you saw?
| | lol....well, "legend of the red dragon" and TRIED to watch "monsters, inc." |
| 3. | What were the last three things you purchased? | | two tank tops and an A/X sweater in miami |
| 4. | What four things do you need to do this weekend? | | get a manicure, drop off dry cleaning, grocery shopping, put my clean laundry away |
| 5. | Who are the last five people you talked to? | | my boss, coworker, my guy, my brother, jerry |
:: fine food, great company ::
to celebrate my man's accomplishments at work, i took him to bandera's for dinner. i forget sometimes how much fun it is to take a fellow "foodie" to a new restaurant. *nudge*nudge* (that's for both michaels....*grin*) the twinkle in the eye when a succulent dish is introduced, the satisfaction you get from the whole experience...gotta love it! even luckier for me, i get the leftovers for lunch! now let's see if i can wait until then!
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:: Thursday, March 11, 2004 ::
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:: more random pics! whoo! whoo! ::
:: if you hate me so, why do you even bother? ::
lol...i'm reminded of a rather amusing phone call i recieved over the weekend. not only did i hear a name i hadn't heard in years, i was reminded of a very low point in my life. i was so caught up in things that i didn't see that i was sinking deeper and deeper into an abyss, unaware of how to pull myself out. i let bad people and bad influences get the better of me. i just thank god that my friends were there to help me through it, and were patient enough to let me deal with certain aspects of it on my own (no matter how long it took). i've said it before and i'll say it again... i make no apologies and no excuses, for those experiences made me who i am today. nobody can judge me for that, for to do that would be to have gone through the exact same things, and that's impossible.
i'm not the same person i was years ago, and i'm glad. i can't say that i am proud of or regret the things i've done. i can't change the past. so it is with that i make NO apologies for things i've said and done. i can't. it's the past. i've moved on. dwelling on the past has never done me any good, so why on earth would i start now?
now i think what cracks me up even more, is if people are SO disinterested and disgusted by me (be it by my past or recent actions), i pose an interesting question... why do you *still*  read my blog? i doubt my life is so interesting and glamorous to you that it's a means of catching up on the latest gossip. i don't watch soaps, so that couldn't be it. i don't post any kind of "top ten" track listing, so that couldn't be it either. i don't post horoscopes, so that's out. so then what's the reasoning? is your hatred, disgust, anguish, displeasure with me SO strong that you just can't help but to keep away? lol...that's ok then...i can deal, and i understand. i know that for every person that i've had (or still have) problems with, that as horrible, evil, despicable, as i may think someone is, that person is loved by someone. even the worse person has someone who cares about them greatly. to somebody else, my enemy is someone's hero. my archenemy is someone else's great love or best friend. maybe it's the optimist in me that feeds into this way of thinking. perhaps if everyone adopted this mentality, even for a moment, the world would be a happier place.
i've noticed that it takes more energy to hate/dislike someone than to just let it go and go on about your life. i don't have time to waste my energy on such frivolity... and it took me a long time to understand that important detail. true, i'll be angry at certain situations, but only if the situation calls for it at that time. everybody gets mad...can't help that. but you can help dwelling and harping on it. no sense beating a dead horse with a stick. by getting and staying angry at someone (or about something) you, in the end, are the loser. you give that person more credit than they deserve. you let that person get to you. i mean really...what's the point? over the past few weeks (or months, whichever), i've been presented with more than enough instances where most people would flip their lid. did i get angry? no. did i cry? no. i simply was the "bigger" or "better" person. even when, by all rights, i should have gone ape shit... but i didn't. i tried to realize the other person's perspective. i may have disagreed, i may have been disappointed, but get angry? no. even my friends agree i should have gone off the deep end with anger and resentment. as a matter of fact, they pointed out that i have been much more calm and understanding than the average person. thanks, friends, for the props. some have even stated that one can only be the "bigger person" for so long, and there comes a time when it's ok to get mad. even when i thought i was at my "breaking point" i took it one step further. i only mean to wish wealth, health, and happiness (not necessarily in that order) on everyone.
it's time to step up and be an adult. act your age. act responsibly. be real, be true to yourself and others. if you can't be true to yourself, than you've got nothing. realize that you cannot change the past, but you ARE in control over your future. move on. get over it, have a happy life. god bless. |
:: the "we" guy vs. the "me" guy ::
after having dealt with "me" guys, it really made me appreciate being with a "we" guy.
the "me" guy is someone who doesn't readily accept into his life the automatic inclusion of his "other half." his mindset still (partially or completely) holds on to his independance and his singularity as a person. not that there's anything wrong with that, but i find that the "me" guy still has some growing up to do. for example...i sway towards the "we" side of things, yet i am still a "me" girl in the sense that i - live by myself (if you're nearing 30, living with the p's? not an attractive quality...i think all my girls would agree with me on this. unless you've got your own floor or dedicated section of the building, inhabiting the room where you spent most of your prepubescent years is NOT an endearing quality). this is just a perspective from my own personal experience. i moved out and stayed out. i can't go back, not even for a little while.
- i do my own laundry...i don't go home to do it, and i certainly don't let ANYONE do it for me (again, NOT so pretty!)
- own my own vehicle (now i know my ride isn't all that...but i DO live in a shady part of chicago, i have no garage, and i park on the street. but, it's MY ride). i don't rent, lease, borrow, nothing. that's one of the few perks of living so close to downtown. when i didn't have a car, i could just hop on the bus or take a cab. when i didn't have a car, i am thankful and grateful to have friends more than willing to come and get me.
but all in all, i can be a "we" girl just as easily as i can be a "me" girl. the "me" guy will have a tendency to freak out when the "we" factor rears its head more and more often. the "me" guy usually has a lot more growing up to do. unless he enjoys being single, then the "me" guy will more than likely never end his search for the "perfect girl" because in reality she does not exist. so keep looking, "me" guys, and good luck to you.
the "we" guy. don't get me wrong. the "we" guy has his own faults too, but more often than not he is generally more successful in his quest due mainly to the fact that it is in his nature to include his other/better half without any thought or hesitation. as long as the "we" guy maintains his independance as a single and complete entity, women are more receptive to hearing "we" and "us" readily and naturally roll of his tongue, as long as it does not come off as weak or needy. it shows that this strong, independant man is mature and adult enough to hold his own while opening himself up to another equal being in his life, and is confident enough to share himself with another person. he can stand on his own. he walks beside his other half, not in front of or behind her. he knows when to let her be on her own, he knows to be there when he's needed. the "we" guy generally has a better grip on things. the "we" guy doesn't freak out about a pink toothbrush getting comfortable on his sink. the "we" guy is comfortable with including his other half on new experiences that she might like. the "we" guy has a more expanded way of thinking.
thank god for the "we" guy.
:: home sweet home ::
whew! as much as i relatively enjoyed south beach, i'm glad to be home.
:: friday ::
after a very hectic morning, and driving melanie up the wall, i ended up waiting at the airport until almost 11pm due to flight delays. *sigh* figures. all in all, we got to miami in one piece. since it was really too late to go anywhere, we met up with a bunch of friends and caught the most beautiful sunrise i'd ever seen. lol.. sorry to my ladies for calling them at the asscrack of dawn, but i really felt humbled by the beauty of the moment, and wanted to share it with you.
:: saturday ::
we all know about the drama from today's events, so no need to get into that again! ladies, you'll be getting your "free jace" t-shirts very soon! i just want to say "thank you" to everyone. it's SO reassuring to know who your friends are in times of need.
:: sunday ::
went to an x'cess entertainment party. some of the people we were stranded at the airport with were hosting it, so we HAD to meet up with them. somehow i got into an impromptu photo shoot for getfokus.com's new clothing line. interesting evening.
:: monday ::
went to a rather interesting pool party. too many bugs. that's all.
:: tuesday ::
decided to fart around the city and do some shopping before we left. got a few funny t-shirts (although i think jace's new shirt wins the prize), then it was off to the airport and back to chilly chicago.
:: wednesday ::
i decided to use this day off to do ALL my laundry, because i SO did not pack appropriately for the trip. (that would have made entirely too much sense). mykel wanted to go to the museum, and i decided that i could use some culture in my life, so we hit the rembrandt exhibit at the art museum. very enlightening, i must say! yay for the "we" guy! lol.
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:: Thursday, March 04, 2004 ::
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:: new beginning ::
interesting evening. very interesting.
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:: Wednesday, March 03, 2004 ::
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:: absolutely beautiful ::
ROCK ON, to the freakishly impeccable timing!
 
be careful...i wouldn't want to get used to this *KIDDING* seriously...thank you.
:: lol.... no mexico! by ONE POINT! ::
lol... ah well. can't say this is really THAT out of the ordinary for me to do something like this. it was funny because i went into it knowing i wasn't going to win. i never win stuff like this, but all in all it was actually pretty fun. i wasn't really nervous until right when i walked into the lobby... then it hit. thank god for my "guardian angel" to be there by my side. i really don't think i woud have gone otherwise. everybody was really nice, and we had a good time. (that and the girl who won said she's been topless and that she'd be topless if she went to mexico). i will admit, i got anxious when they were going to announce the winner...not me...surprise surprise. then while we were waiting for the guys to finish, two of the production guys asked me to come out in the hallway, and they told me i had lost BY ONE POINT!!!! lol...figures. i wasn't even surprised for some reason. they were really sweet and told me that they were really pushing for me to win, and they were trying to get eddie & jobo to up their numbers a bit in my favor. i just appreciate that they told me that at all. *sigh* what a day. ( kimmy, you're lucky...no casket for you...i wouldn't have done it if it weren't for you...but the third time's a charm! better be a doozie!)
here are a few pics...click on them to see the rest
 
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:: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 ::
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:: spa nordstrom ::
aaah.. i'm off to my facial. only two more to go to get the bad ass bathrobe! whooo! (i'm a dork... i know.. i admit this)
:: chicago's hottest bartender? lol.. OH HEEEELLL NO! ::
oh god. i KNOW i'm a ham, but i really wonder why i listen to people sometimes. now mind you, i did this as a total joke, but i just got a phone call from b96 (*sigh* RIGHT?!?!), and i'm one of the 4 finalists. oh dear lord! now i have to go down to the station at 7 AM!. oh god, kimmy, if we don't go to mexico, i'm going to KILL you. oh lord. *excuse me now, while i go crawl under a rock and DIE*
:: lyrics (now) in my head ::
thanks...you SO get an A+ for effort, you persistent little devil.
Good Enough - Sarah McLachlin
Hey your glass is empty
it's a hell of a long way home
why don't you let me take you
it's no good to go alone
I never would have opened up
but you seemed so real to me
after all the bullshit I've heard
it's refreshing not to see
I don't have to pretend
she doesn't expect it from me
Don't tell me I haven't been good to you
don't tell me I have never been there for you
don't tell me why
nothing is good enough
Hey little girl would you like some candy
your momma said that it's OK
The door is open come on outside
no I can't come out today
it's not the wind that cracked your shoulder
and threw you to the ground
who's there that makes you so afraid
you're shaken to the bone
and I don't understand
you deserve so much more than this
So don't tell me why
he's never been good to you
don't tell me why
he's never been there for you
don't you know that why
is simply not good enough
so just let me try
and I will be good to you
just let me try
and I will be there for you
I'll show you why
you're so much more than good enough...
:: again, my "fame" preceeds me? ::
whew! thanks m for dealing with my brief stint of paranoia. i think you know where it all stems from, so whew!
a lifetime ago, i remember how much actual FUN it was to work at crobar. there was such a sense of family...of unity. i remember when i could barely go anywhere without hearing "hey! don't you work at crobar?" i'd have people who remember every single outfit i ever wore, remember specific things i've done, they say my name correctly! for awhile it was fun. i'll admit it, i enjoyed...i fed off it. it was nice to go to clubs and not wait in line, not pay, get the special treatment. industry people take care of their own.
now it's when those "outside" people try to nudge their way in...THAT'S where i draw the line. my friends understand this, so they take special precaution not to cross that fine line. the real friends know i'll do whatever is in my power for THEM...not their college roommate's sister's boyfriend once removed. how can you ask to be put on my guestlist if you have no way of contacting me? shouldn't that be a sign? if i choose to give you a free drink, it's not because of who you are, it's because i feel like it. if i choose to take care of certain people over others, it's because they've earned it in some way. don't expect a handout. it's tacky, and i won't lower myself to that level just so you can save $10.00.
please don't bother my friends about my whereabouts, where/when i'm working. more than likely they either don't know or won't tell you anyways. for god's sake...i'm all over the internet...i would be safe to say i'm easy to track down. LEAVE THEM ALONE. it sucks that my friends have gotten sucked into this little club world.
friends...don't let these people get to you. they're NOT worth it. real/true friends wouldn't get you aggravated over this kind of shit. they save it for the big stuff, as it should be.
a little reminder
click here if you want to be put on the guestlist
sorry if it sounds harsh...just taking a page from my girl's "book of life", AND putting my foot down.
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:: Monday, March 01, 2004 ::
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:: knowing your worth ::
it's nice to feel wanted. to feel appreciated, to know that someone enjoys when you're around. sometimes it takes a little something out of the blue (lol...literally) to pick your spirits up and look forward to tomorrow. it's funny how you just never know what moments life will throw at you. you just have to brace yourself and hope for the best. you have to have the bad to really appreciate the good. it's those little (or big...whichever) things pass your way that lets you know there is good out there. genuine, true...happy. feels nice. i deserve the happiness that comes my way. you can only give and give so much without anything in return, so when it is my turn, i soak it in
i realize also that all good things must come to an end, but when one door closes, another one ALWAYS opens. god bless.
:: lyrics in my head ::
everlong - foo fighters
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight I throw myself in two
Out of the red
Out of her head she sang
Come down and waste away with me
Down with me
Slow, how you wanted it to be
I'm over my head
Out of her head she sang
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She sang
Breathe out
So I can breathe you in
Hold you in
And now
I know you've always been
Out of your head
Out of my head I sang
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
She Sang
And I wonder
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
:: adidas on michigan avenue ::
* yawn * so vicki and tracy are in florida until the end of the week for a sales meeting. just got off the phone with vicki, so she gave me a very current weather update. ooooh, miami! *biting what's left of my nails*
but i gotta tell ya, it was quiet before when they were in the office, now it's like a ghost town. i actually got the creeps for a second when i came in this morning. haha. it does feel good, though, to show up in my flight suit, exit hat, and gym shoes....kick my feet up on the desk and read a girly magazine.
:: THAIHONEY.NET v4 ::
No... this is not Chariya. This is " the good one"... hehehe. Just testing out my new layout for this crazy lady...
Hope you like it Chariya! love you! *muwah*
:: claim your wings ::
lol...oh mel...you always find something to keep me a little busy! ok, i like this one much better....
You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.
*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla
:: the book quiz ::
ugh! pretty dreary for a monday morning!
You're Les Miserables!
by Victor Hugo
One of the best known people in your community, you have become
something of a phenomenon. People have sung about you, danced in your honor, created all
manner of art in your name. And yet your story is one of failure and despair, with a few
brief exceptions. A hopeless romantic, you'll never stop hoping that more good will come
from your failings than is ever possible. Beware detectives and prison guards bearing
vendettas.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
:: * yawn* ::
:: friday ::
just wasn't feeling it tonight. i love it when victor r spins, so at least the music rocked.
:: saturday ::
did a bit of shopping on michigan avenue (lol...or at least tried to...{and yes, sir, this is directed towards you *grin*}). but it was certainly nice to be out and about in the daytime.
:: sunday ::
man.... i haven't been to walker brothers pancake house in FOREVER! mmmmm! headed off to crobar for the awards party. a little weird to eat food in the club, but what the hey.
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